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John Kearns: The Varnishing Days

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John Kearns: The Varnishing Days


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The Varnishing Days is the heart-stopping, glasses-dropping, hard-rocking, wig-shaking, levothyroxine-taking, knee-knocking, boot-licking, justifying, teeth rattling, digressing new show from stand up comedian to the stars John Kearns.

Go silent as I walk on! Acknowledge when something funny happens! Leave discussing dinner plans! Others will be implicated. Points will be circled and missed. Hell, it’s a man trying his best! When I visit your town dogs will start barking, as will clergy.

Your microwave will go haywire. The lights in your vestibule will flicker and the Bank of England will nervously look at interest rates. On the day I write this, the pound has hit an all time low against the dollar. Mark my words. This show will break that record again and again and again.

Important information

Running time: Approximately 1 hour 40 Minutes with an Interval

Age recommendation: 14+

Ticket Price:  £16

On Sale Dates:
20 Feb – Gold friends, corporates and supporters
22 Feb – Friends
24 Feb – Public

Friends – 5% off
Best Friends and Gold Friends – 10% off





“Kearns could be your new King of Comedy”
Bruce Dessau, Evening Standard 

“the best showcase for his greatness yet… Kearns is as original and beguiling as any comedian in Britain.”
Dominic Maxwell, The Times 

“a toothy, tragicomic delight… cult purveyor of mock-heroic suburban standup.”
Brian Logan, The Guardian 

“Kearns’ poised, poetic stream of consciousness is the whirring logic of a very funny man with a profound understanding of the human condition.”
The Scotsman 



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